About Your Author

Who would ever write about such things?  I would.  So, who am I?

I am…

  • a recently re-singled woman - a feat even Houdini would applaud
  • in my late 30s - yet, still attempt cartwheels
  • an attorney - what the hell else was I going to do with a psychology degree?
  • a mother of two - “that I know of” (meant to be a parody of what men say when they are trying to be funny)
  • intelligent - so long as my standardized test scores, spelling errors, and inability to remember anything are overlooked
  • hot - so long as my big mouth, saggy boobs, stretch marks, cellulite, grey hair, wrinkles, and occasional pimples are hidden from public scrutiny
  • athletic - so long as the sport does not require any fine motor coordination, skill with a ball, or other people
  • a good mother/friend/daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/person/etc. - unless I get too wrapped up in my own shit and forget about the people and things I love
  • fun to be around - unless I am impatient, frustrated, tired, angry, or sad
  • adventurous and up for anything - how am I to know I don’t like something, if I don’t try it?
  • on time - unless the day of the week ends in a “y” or I show up a day early
  • organized - unless the day of the week ends in a “y” or I am in one of my laser-like, super-organizing moods, in which case everyone’s socks will be labeled and placed into individual cubicles and the spices alphabetized
  • always busy - not always productive, just busy 
  • easily distracted - yet, rarely to do something productive
  • energetic - unless I am asleep
  • compassionate - unless you have screwed me over and keep screwing me over, in which case I am slightly less Zen and have to fend off thoughts of vasectomies performed with dull, rusty knives. 
  • forgiving - mostly because I forget why I should be angry
  • hilarious - I think I am hilarious!  I’m the funniest person I know.  I can entertain myself for hours.
  • a lover of food - yet, don’t always have it in the frig or the pantry.  I HATE going to the grocery store!  HATE IT!  HATE IT!  HATE IT! 
  • a lover of wine - yet, don’t always have it in the frig or pantry either.  I buy my wine at the grocery store.  See above.
  • a problem solver - a skill developed from years of creating problems
  • great in a crisis - a skill developed from dealing with too many
  • practical - unless it is not convenient to be so
  • a lover of music, art, history, culture, people, and LIFE!
  • a proper lady - unless I am being myself